is an 80s movie based on the novel by Frank Herbert and starring Kyle MacLachlan, Francesca Annis, Patrick Stewart, Kenneth MacMillan and a lot of other people, some of whom are still famous. But more importantly, it's directed by David Lynch.
So, we played a drinking game, the four of us. Whenever one of us couldn't contain ourselves and said "what the fuck," we all took a drink. Just a sip of wine, nothing major. We killed three bottles of wine, and finished the night pretty drunk.
I've never read the novel, and that may be part of the issue. But honestly, I don't think so. I've never read Lord of the Rings
, either, but I thought those movies were a hell of a lot more skillfully done. For one thing, we didn't have voiceovers where characters whispered their thoughts. Might as well have added "he said" after everything, for as smoothly as this transition went.
OK, so in brief: Paul Atreides (MacLachlan) is the son of the Duke of House Atreides (Jurgen Prochnow). His mother is a concubine (Annis) who chose to have a son rather than a daughter because reasons. She has magical voice powers that let her command people by speaking all death-metally. Also there is this spice that allows a gigantic abortion-creature to "fold space" and make space travel possible, but you have to mine it on Arakkus, a planet populated by giant killer worms attracted to the sound of mining. And there's this other royal house ruled by a fat man in a flying suit (MacMillan), and he's utterly sadistic and disease ridden, and his followers (including Sting, looking utterly creepy) have a plug in their heart that he can just pull out and let their blood leak out all over him, cause that's
HOLY SHIT. See why we were drunk? I feel like opening a bottle right now.
Anyway, the story itself is pretty typical hero's journey, but it's just so long and overwrought, and if you haven't read the book you're just bogged down in these details that probably mean something ("You must milk this cat every day?" Was that a necessary scene?). I think there's a lot of geek nostalgia around this movie, but honestly I don't know why we own it.
Right, so, movie. It ends with
Luke Neo Aragor Perseus Spider-Man Scott Pilgrim
Paul (sorry), now known as Muadeeb or perhaps Usul, leading his army, armed with magical voice-boomers that blow up the ground next to enemies and send them flying, and also riding the giant worms, and destroying the bad guys and telling the Emperor where to stick it. All is well! THE END.My grade:
D+. The "+" because it's quotable. Rewatch value:
Low. I'd watch it again if I could play the drinking game with new people.
Next up: Earth Girls are Easy