innocent_man: (teagan crazy)
[personal profile] innocent_man
Crank is an absurd, insane, balls-out action movie starring Jason Steakums. He's playing Chev Chelios, a hitman for a crime syndicate who's just been injected with the "Bejing cocktail," a mix of poison that will stop his heart in an hour or so. Chev, not willing to take this shit lying down, immediately sets off running to find the dude that poisoned him, and in the process discovers that as long as he keeps his adrenaline working, the poison won't kill him.

What follows is completely insane. I believe my go-to phrase last night was "No part of this movie makes any sense." Chev does coke, kicks ass, drives fast (through a shopping mall), fucks his girlfriend in front of a busload of Chinese schoolgirls, shoots dudes, robs a hospital for epinephrine, robs a convenience store for energy drinks, and eventually falls out of a damn helicopter, leaving a "goodbye" message on his girl's machine as he plummets to his death.

And then bounces off a car, and lands on the street, still alive. Which is where the sequel picks up. Holy shit.

The movie is fun, for the most part. Chev is an asshole. He doesn't even try to be likeable. He's not a good guy, he's a killer who is trying to take revenge on his killer before dying. The innocent people in this movie get punched, shot, blown up and generally shoved out of the way. Chev effectively rapes his girlfriend, before she decides she's into it, and it's kind of uncomfortable. Beyond that, though, the movie is action-movie stupid, with some fun cinematography and some fourth-wall breakage going on (Chev reads the subtitles of a Japanese-speaking character at one point).

Crank is the kind of movie that I want to watch with a group of people, just because a room full of people going "WHAT!" when something crazy happens is fun. Also, wine.

(The sequel, by the way, accepts the gauntlet of "this can't get any more ridiculous" and responds "Check this shit out.")

My grade: A-
Rewatch value: High

Next up: Creepshow



Egg: 2
Toast: 1
Bacon: 2
Nachos cheese: 6
Chips: 11
Salmon: 6
Rice: 3

Total: 31
Banked: 8

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innocent_man

January 2013

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